Shaken or Stirred? Let Your New Robot Bartender Decide

The Bartesian Professional Cocktail Maker ($449) represents one approach. Before giving it orders, you must fill the machine’s removable reservoir with water (it can hold enough for about 60 drinks) and each of the provided glass bottles with hooch. There are five bottles, with lids labeled for vodka, tequila, whiskey, gin and rum, but only docks for four of them; you can’t store gin and rum on the machine at the same time.

After setup, the robot mixologist functions like a Keurig for Kamikazes. Bartesian sells over 50 different kinds of cocktail pods that contain the required combos of fruit juice, bitters and other mixers. You can buy pods for a specific cocktail ($20 for 8) or in themed variety packs that let you sample a few different drinks. The machine reads the bar code on the top of your pod to determine what spirits it needs, then squeezes your drink into a waiting glass.

Bartesian pods can also be used with the Bev from

Black & Decker,

but some cocktail robots don’t require pods at all. The Barsys 2.0+ is such a machine, designed with landing spots for up to five bottles of alcohol and three mixers. With the help of an app, the machine can use whatever you give it to make any number of drinks—though you’ll have to add ingredients like sugar and bitters yourself.

As a matter of due diligence, I tested my own bartending prowess against that of the Bartesian: an Old Fashioned face-off. The machine finished its version of the classic cocktail about 30 seconds faster than I could by hand with the same bourbon and my own fresh bitters—perhaps because I futzed a bit with the jigger.

My version tasted fragrant and citrus-forward. The robot’s offering was a bit flat, but still tasty, which felt like a reasonable compromise for convenience.

This initial assessment was sufficiently promising that I decided to invite the robot to dinner, specifically a gathering of family members to celebrate my wife’s birthday. I presented guests with a glut of Bartesian’s cocktail pods. After a short demo, I fully expected to sit back and bask in the glory of automation. And the machine’s abilities and settings did, indeed, impress my guests, particularly the option to adjust the strength of any given cocktail, a universal feature of these androids.

I failed, however, to anticipate that my guests—once aware the Bartesian could produce drinks ranging from a gin martini to a blackberry margarita—would task me as permanent server. They were all too content to yell out orders. Cosmopolitan! Lemon Drop! Amaretto Sour! Mint Julep! Sex on the Beach! All produced expeditiously by the machine and delivered dutifully by yours truly. My brother-in-law, a self-described lover of Long Island Iced Teas, happily quaffed the automated version, even though the Bartesian’s doesn’t include gin, as is traditional.

Can you make a tastier cocktail by hand? Probably. But the Bartesian is better at what it does than a Keurig is at brewing coffee. After your second or third Old Fashioned, that’s really all that matters.

ALCOHOL SOLD SEPARATELY

Three tickets to an easier imbibe

The Five-Shooter

Though made by Black & Decker, the Bev ($300) is designed to use pods made by Bartesian. But rather than making you pour spirits into a proprietary glass bottle, the Bev can accommodate five full standard-size 750 mL spirit bottles on its base. You just have to fit each with a metal straw that is held in place with a rubber stopper. After setup, making a drink is a two-step process. You spin a dial to select your preferred cocktail strength, then push a button. If you have a bottle that’s too big for the machine’s docks, you’ll have to transfer its contents into another vessel. Any standard-sized liquor bottle bound for the recycling bin would do, but Black & Decker sells a set of five ($45) that would be a boon to anyone who wants a more uniform look.

The Parent Trap

Capable of handling any of the over 50 types of cocktail pods the company currently sells, the Bartesian Professional ($449) finishes mixing drinks in 30 to 40 seconds. The unit has dedicated docking spots for whiskey, vodka and tequila, but if your guests favor rum-based Mai Tai and gin Gimlets you’ll have to swap out those two spirits as needed. A keyed, lockable side lever holds the bottles securely, which helps during transport and prevents unauthorized access.That might offer those with curious teenagers some peace of mind (though you’d still need to secure the pods the machine needs to pour a drink). After the party, flushing the machine is relatively easy, and the parts are dishwasher-safe.

A Cocktail Conveyer Belt

The Barsys 2.0+ ($1,500) doesn’t use cocktail pods, but it does require the use of an app. If you want to use one while hosting a party, that means you’ll have to offer up a tablet or phone for guests to use, unless you want to personally dial up everyone’s drink. But the app allows for ample customization once you’ve identified the five liquors and three canisters of mixers you’ve loaded into it. Select a drink and watch the cup travel from left to right down its conveyer belt, collecting the liquor and mixers along the way. The pulsing LED lights and the seemingly floating coaster under the blender cup add to the carnival-like vibe for the 20 to 30 seconds it takes to make a drink.

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